wispfox

There were many days in the White Mountains with metahacker.

There were stars, many many stars. And we never even went anywhere specific to go look at them.

There was walking in woods and mountains and rivers and mushrooms of various and unexpected colors and shapes. There were rocks for crossing wet places, for sitting on, for petting, for having pet rocks, and for being pets of rocks.

There was cuddling. A whole lot of cuddling. Also, cuddling.

There were conversations about bears and moose, but no actual sightings by the two of us of either one.

There was a gradual increase in ability to deal with walking in places with uphillness.

There was a cold with a fever that came and went.

There was conversation, chatting, silliness, and connecting.

There was a room that could have been better in various ways, but which was still a good room for being a room in which there was much time spent with metahacker.

There was a hot tub that I never got around to using. There were various very friendly owners and workers at the Bed & Breakfast we stayed at. There are wee pretty paintings, and postcards that failed to be sent while we were actually there.

There was grumpy, there was tired, but there was also a deep low level joy at being in mountains with trees and green and quiet.

There was remembering that mountains and hills are a rightness for me, in ways that flatness is not. And also remembering that places that tend to have them also tend to not have much to do in the evening.

There was much passing of various towns I've lived in or near, remembering when Concord, NH was a big city to me (Boston used to terrify me; Manhattan still does, although less so), seeing various towns that I think my high school used to have sports games at.

There were times when there was too much moving and I needed to just sit for a while and talk to the mountains and trees and grass. There were many more times when I just knew where I was, and was glad.

There was a fire, marshmallows, and small, hyper children. There was very little reading, and no internet access (or indeed, a computer, for me).

There was beauty. There was simplicity. There was quiet. There was time away with metahacker. And it was indeed good. I really needed that, for the time away, for the nature, for the time with metahacker.

There are pictures, which I may get around to posting some of.

... seeing ayalanya during her visit to the area, even if she was utterly exhausted. But still cuddleable!

... Peter Mayer in concert.

... many, many, many hugs. Many lovely people. A brief appearance at a party. Dinner. A concert.

... playing silly games with a sweetie who was actually the one at the controls.

"Try aiming the hawk at the bees nest!" *pause* "Wait, that worked?! Huh!"

"Hey, there's something moving over there!" *pause while waiting for the hawk to arrive again* *aiming the hawk at the moving thing* "Hey, the hawk got something!"

"I don't know how to fish." *startled pause* "You don't? Huh!" *explaining how to fish, generally and in the context of the game's mechanics*

These were very small fish. Perch-sized, if I'm not mis-remembering both the name and the size (fished a fair amount as a kid).

... being awake and bouncy, even though I got not enough sleep (for good reason!) Friday night.

... dancing in my seat, because I like the music Just That Much. Knowing much of it well helps, too, even if I entirely failed to not sing (quietly) along with the ones I knew.

... sunlight outside today. And some of Saturday. And some of Sunday.

... random group hugs. And dragging other people into them.

... wandering around outside on a call with a sweetie.

... being able to go outside randomly without it being too damn cold every time.

... hugging and being pet by people I've not seen in too long. I really do need to go to the next Psinging.

... randomly chatty emails.

... having my hair played with.

... playing with people's hair.

... entertaining people with a fiberoptic glowy hair thing.

... being awakened by a sweetie. And then by being cuddled by a cuddly sweetie and sweetie's sweetie. Even if I was horribly tired and not wanting to get up. :)

... randamly being physically-affectionate with people I love. And that to me in turn.

... starandrea twice in two weekends!

... borrowing a sweetie's jacket who is 8 inches taller makes me laugh, because the sleeve length is truly absurd.

... clothing that smells of a sweetie.

... a truly excellent weekend, insufficient sleep and all.

There is great beauty - and great power - in a heartfelt smile.

There is very little more joyful than the transformation of a face from tired and vaguely grumpy to a genuine smile. And sometimes, smiling at someone you pass on the street can result in that transformation.

It may have been rainy and dark out, but one of the best parts of my day was seeing a stranger smile.

And it's nice that the season is turning away from winter such that I was no longer so internally-focused that it happened at all.

There is beauty, but I can't find the right words. Emotion doesn't word well.

( because I didn't notice how long this was! )

I can, indeed, switch my brain into a state where I can be intensely social for long periods of time. But it requires me to not need to keep track of time, makes me _very_ flighty (counteracted by being cuddled), not great at self care, and makes non-highly-social activities not things I want to be doing (so I made it to no panels at all, and played very few games). It also requires that I have people I am utterly comfortable with clinging to/cuddling with reasonably easily available. It also makes me _way_ less good at being aware that I am not seeing as much of people as I might like, if I'm seeing them at all and I _am_ getting time with comfortably cuddly people. It also means that I start getting less able to handle touch from those I'm not as comfortable with. And starts meaning my impulse control goes away (although that may have been insufficient sleep).

I have done this before (when I met the_xtina and cos, and went to the housewarming where I knew no one), but it's been a long time, and I didn't really understand then how to make it last without huge cost. Now I have more data. :)

So! Arisia mathmatics:

( cutting is kind )

deyo has good taste in women. and I got to have a pre-nye party last night! I am _so_ on west coast time. soon I fly back to boston, spend nye w/metahacker & galaneia, go home on ny day, see jasra at some point, and see australian_joe thurs night. many nifty people in a very short time! yay. :)

Y'know... I'm really damn lucky.

I have the world's bestest roommate (really, any other roommate(s) have one hell of a set of shoes to fill), who I barely knew when she came to live with me. And yet, it worked out well, even when my wrists got stupid at me and she suddenly had a bunch of extra things to do because I could no longer do them.

World's purryest cat. And sufficiently _unlike_ Ash that I rarely have attacks of 'but you're not _my_ cat!'.

I have a job that, while it is part of the problem with my wrists, also understands the problem (possibly better than most medical professionals. Sigh) and works with me around it. And I'm improving. And I make enough money that I can _afford_ the various things that allow me to keep working and also improving.

I have many, many wonderful people in my life, even though some of them are far away and I don't see them often. I am loved, and understood far better than I'd ever have expected to be possible.

I am living in a time when it's _possible_ for me to have met all these people (all? of them I met through the internet, one way or another), to not be completely debilitated by my brain brokennesses, and indeed to have some of those brokennesses actively useful for my job. Where my difficulty with spoken communication can be worked around, and improved upon. Where being born 12 weeks early was not a death sentence. Where I could figure out various of the ways in which I am unusual by finding others similarly unusual online in email lists and newsgroups and such, and discussing things with them. Where I could get my first degree-related job while still _in_ school, because I was involved with a linux users group and friends from there happened to work at a place that was hiring.

Yeah. I? Am damn lucky. And sometimes it's nice to point that out. Perhaps especially when I'm underslept and stressed from work and the insufficiency of direct light.

Good weekend. Very much so. *firm nod*

I have no brain for things not work-related. But! I can offer beauty and silly and such, because it's fun and good and I want to. :)

( no really, lots of links under here. No actual content )

So, my stamina is still pretty much crap. Food time also ended up being exhausted and needing a nap time, which coordinated well with needing to wait for anti-inflam goo to dry so I could ice.

Therefore, I lay on my back on the couch and napped for a bit, while waiting for goo to dry. NSPy, who knows that normally this is a position in which I greatly appreciate his company, with him lying on my abdomen, decided to try to figure out how to get into that position without causing me pain. Except for one slight misplacement of a front paw (which I had him move), he did figure out how to manage this, and lay on my abdomen purring madly.

This is also one of the positions in which it is easiest for me to pet him, even with sad wrists, because I can mostly use my arms and not my wrists to do so. So there was kitty petting and holding, and purring and warm weight and napping. And my exhaustion reduced, and I wished I had a camera to capture the moment, because it was just so sweet and adorable of him to be so insistant about how to be on his exhausted and healing person in ways he knew we both appreciated. And it made me quietly joyful even through the exhaustion. And I am now, after probably 20 minutes of being purred at by the happiest cat ever, and napping, significantly less drained. And now I can go back to doing work things with the energy the cat helped me regain. Good kitty. :)

And I wish I had a picture, for it was adorable. But I have the memory and the joy, and that is more than enough.