wispfox

I'm not clear on how I can be exhausted at 8p and go to bed, then spend two hours being too warm but too tired to do anything about it, then hungry and eat food and fix the blankets then too cold and then not enough weight and seriously, sleep?

Awake at 6a, also, for no apparent reason.

I may be a bit dazed today! 

Apparently I have no stamina. I can't tell if I'm sick, overwhelmed, or depressed.

Unfortunately, it's translating to wanting to do anything _but_ my thesis work, which needs to be at a final draft stage before mid-July when my adviser is gone for three weeks. And it's due as in needs to be done and approved by my adviser and second reader by early August. And I just Don't Want To.

Mostly, just tired. Don't really want to do much of anything, and spent last weekend mostly sleeping (which probably means I'm actually sick). I think I may also be sleeping for crap, which may be due to the fact that I have a time pressure that I'm aware of and I feel like I'm not really doing enough about.

Grumble.

Yes, I've done a little meditation, mostly while trying to fall asleep. Not sure if it's helping.

All but one application done, the remaining one being rolling admissions.

House closing was yesterday, house is now ours.

And so, people to call, many things to do.

Last night, ended up coming home around 5p and passing out until midnight, when I got up to get a small snack and pills. And then passing out again until around 6. Slept a little bit more, and got up at 8. I'm going to say I'm sick, since there's still lingering exhaustion behind the "omg, stop lying in bed!" that my body is doing.

So, going to go to CVS, get scripts filled, and probably sleep more. Sigh. Also, my head hurts.

And also, HOUSE!

And today, I have been inexplicably wide awake since 3:15a. Also, my head hurts. It's much too early to be awake when I know I hadn't yet fallen asleep at 11:00.

Realizing that I might be able to get a recommendation from a professor from undergrad who knows me decently well, rather than one from someone who doesn't really know me well, so I actually have two decent academic recommendations. And, when I pinged the professor, being remembered without prompting. (Yes, I sometimes forget that I'm memorable. Being poor at remembering people doesn't help, mind you)

Working on essays for grad school is startlingly easy, for the most part. (less so the parts where I feel like I do not know enough, but that's something that can be worked on.) I do sometimes forget that, while I don't really write stories, I am a decent writer. At least on a computer (I lose track of what I'm saying if it's on paper)

I may not yet be at a point where I'm adjusted to my sleep ability without ativan, but I am at least no longer getting up every hour or two during the night. (once or twice is much better than every hour or two!)

When I remember to take it, migraine meds _work_. (now we just need to make sure that I don't get addicted to the caffeine in them, since until I sleep better I need them every morning)

Hugs. Also, hugs.

Continuing to see jasra regularly.

Living with metahacker.

Living with galaneia.

Making tasty stir-fry with galaneia's help.

The sheer glee with which hfcougar reacts to NSPy's antics. Glee!

Kitty!

OMG, Cataclysm.

Inspiring starandrea.

I had forgotten that my pre-sleeping time used to be taken by my brain processing the day's events. But, now that I'm going to bed closer to 11 than 10, I seem to take about an hour doing that, then sleep. Which is way better than taking two hours to fall asleep!

I think I'm starting to adjust back to this sleep schedule, although the fact that I've taken anti-migraine meds the past couple mornings - which include caffeine - make it harder to be sure if that's the case.

Unfortunately, there were a couple of things I wanted to write down right before sleeping last night, but refused to get up and do so. And now I can't remember. Ah, well, they'll come back. I think. :)

It's funny that chatting with the receptionist on a regular basis means that I just got half her blueberry muffin, which was very tasty. Dunno; that just seems like such a lonely (and often boring) job, especially at a company full of introverts!

Car goes to regular maintenance tomorrow. I love that the place I go, recommended forever ago by catya, is about a 10-15 minute walk, at max. So on days I WFH, I can drive there, drop it off, and walk home.

Starting work on essays; I'm having a difficult time remembering that it doesn't matter if I necessarily have what I think of as required experience in Psychololgy - since my undergrad was not Psychology - it's still worth applying. Especially to programs that are precisely what I'm looking for. Will be hard to not sell myself short, as I hate selling myself in the first place even when I _do_ feel qualified.

Still highly uncertain about the HCI program, since it _will_ involve at least some programming. But, it's the one I'm most confident about making it into, since my undergrad was in CS and all my experience from the last almost 10 years is in computers. It's also the most likely option with which I would be able to find a relevant position after getting the PhD, since psych research would tend to mean academia, and those are not easy positions to get. Will apply, mind you, but... programming. And also a distinct lack of a break from CS, although it will still be a break from QA.

GRE in early October. Taking a break from studying to give my brain a rest. I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to do as well as I did when I was still in college, which is somewhat frustrating, but a fair amount of the math on the GRE involves things I have trouble with - word problems, visual representations of anything at all, and such. So it's frustrating to think that it will not actually reflect my math ability (consider that I had a TA in college try quite hard to convince me to change majors to math from CS). Ah, well. The verbal stuff I don't think I've worstened on, although anything additional gains in points will be difficult as I'm down to words that I'm having trouble memorizing. And I always have some trouble with the questions involving interpretation of the reading passages, since their wording is often perplexing.

I'm home in my bed, I sent mail to my parents about visiting them, I wrote notes on my whiteboard for things I need to do, I've been falling asleep far too easily mid-day for two days, why can't I sleep now?!

Feels like I forgot to do, or remind someone to do, something. I have no idea what.

So, I was almost certainly sick last week. (it's winter. It happens. A lot.)

I think I'm healthy again, except... I keep having terrible nightmares. And waking up at really early times of the morning. This morning wasn't _horribly_ early, although it was definitely a horrible nightmare (and I'm curiously reluctant to talk about it; started and stopped email about it twice so far today), and I snuck in to snuggle jasra before getting up to go to work.

I'd say I'm stressed, except that I don't think I _am_ particularly. Enough with the nightmares, already! Especially since they aren't even ones that seem to relate to current reality!

Mrf. At any rate. Tired. Very much so.

Baby red pandas!

Simple Wikipedia

Getting good time, chatting, and cuddles with my cuddly wordsmith of a sweetie.

Going to the Butterfly Place with a quite gleeful, photo-taking galaneia, where there were also some utterly adorable tiny birds. And hungry, hungry goldfish with gaping mouths.

It's almost not February anymore!

Snuggly, chatty jasra, and knowing that we will continue to see each other weekly when we are not roommates.

Being productive.

Having had a visit from randysmith last week, and getting time with majes this week.

Lasting slightly longer at a party of people I largely don't know than I expected to do, especially considering it was after spending time around small children at the Butterfly Place.

Boxes. And filling them with stuff.

Realizing that my wrist was cranky because it wanted more (non-computer) use, not because the computer use was itself problematic to the point of danger.

Sunlight.

Actually feeling my sleep meds kick in last night and being sleepy because of it (means my brain isn't going too fast for them to counteract).